Conversations about the authentic self
As a child, and to my sister’s dismay, I loved to narrate ALL my life experiences with deep enthusiasm. I was a Chatty Cathy, a conversationalist, motor mouth, chatterbox, a rambler. I had the gift of the gab! Although I still enjoy a good chat, I have since learnt that listening is very rewarding. Conversations in the studio are one of the best parts of photo shoots.
Lately, I’ve noticed a repeating conversation thread about the importance of being true to yourself. I have been hearing from many women who want to put more emphasis on being their authentic selves.
Let's rewind - what do you mean by authentic self?
A friend, recently told me that she had been advised to wear makeup and dye her grey hair for her next job interview. The well-meaning advice had been given to her with the hope of her avoiding unconsious bias related to ageism. To say I went on a bit of a rant, would be a slight understatement! Perhaps this rant was already deep within my soul. Arising from the many stories I have heard about women losing touch with parts of themselves. The idea, that you should change yourself to fit the preconceptions or judgments of others (be they conscious or unconscious) fills me with sadness.
The changes we often make to ourselves are not limited to professional environments; they can happen in any part of life. Perhaps your friends or partner made a comment that was a catalyst for you to lose confidence and change your behaviour or attire. It can result in the loss of the authentic self, which can be damaging.
Changing yourself over time
I have chatted with many women who have tweaked their clothing, reduced their flare, flattened, cut, or coloured their hair, suppressed their style and have avoided speaking their truth. These changes are made in order to blend in with other people, keep their head down, bend to societal pressure or to avoid sexism and bias. Changes of this kind can happen subtly over many years. It’s often not until much later that you realise how much they have significantly altered yourself. If you loose parts of yourself it can cause an internal fracture. This can be one of the underlying reasons for people coming to these photo shoots, as they provide a a space to explore some of the parts of yourself you may have lost touch with.
Context considered
I’m not saying that in all scenarios it’s right to fully be yourself, context is a factor! For example, despite my penchant for obscure vintage fashion, I happily work in jeans and tees. Many clients I collaborate with require similar, practical, dress for work, but even in this context you can find ways to be true to yourself while ensuring that you don’t wind up caught in a forklift (big nod to SUK). No matter if your hardhat is navy, yellow or pink it should have no impact on the way that you are treated. Equally, expressing your truth with care and consideration should always be encouraged (if only!).
Women and suits
Let’s look at attire using the example of the suit. Women have historically looked to replicate more masculine attire on the path to equality (and comfort – thank f%^#!). The history of the suit worn by women is steeped in female liberation and feminist movements. “When worn by a woman, a classic suit is labelled a “power suit”, as if simply wearing something masculine allows the female wearer to adopt the elevated status and power of a man.” This move away from more traditional female attire helped to progress gender equality. Sadly gender ‘norms’ in fashion are still deeply entrenched as the above article outlines.
Don’t get me wrong, I frickin’ love suits and this evolution was pivotal in women being able to wear more practical and equal attire. I’m just pointing out that historically women have often mirrored masculinity as part of a pathway to being seen as an equal and this continues today. I have spoken to several clients who feel that they need to hide their femininity in order to be seen as an equal.
So how do we move forward?
One of my clients described her unique style of dress and creative makeup as ‘putting on armour’ inferring that it was part of her protection and strength. I love this description. It’s about finding strength in your uniqueness and wearing it proudly both inside and out. This can be such a welcome beacon to others too – by showing that it’s ok to be yourself! The challenge is that it can take a thick skin to be true to yourself with the pressures of the greater world. People can be cruel and any ‘differences’ can become a target.
So how do we move forward? In my mind the only way is to live your truth. This means that you will probably encounter challenges. Look at the Body Positive movement. The movement is a strong counter to the narratives we have been fed telling us to hate and critique our bodies. It is making a significant impact, but there is still a long road to travel. We still must work hard at body love, or even just to accept our bodies. So, live your own truth and, wear your hair grey (if you prefer it that way), embrace your flair and be true to yourself. Use your uniqueness to find your tribe or signal to others that it’s not just OK, but it’s fabulous to be yourself!
